It’s funny how my perspective on
things can change so much, especially on things I was once absolutely convinced
about. If only I can remember that when I become so convinced about an opinion
or perspective that I make someone else wrong!
For instance, I used to ridicule the idea of changing the
past. In fact, whenever I taught a workshop or class on forgiveness, I’d
invariably say something like, “When we choose not to forgive someone, what
we’re really doing is attempting to change our past.” The idea was, since the
past couldn't be changed, it was important to forgive so we could move on in
the present. That’s a good idea, yet what I didn't realize then was that not
only is it possible to change the past, but also that it is almost impossible
to forgive until I do.
Before I talk about how, wouldn't it be nice if it was possible and it really did make
forgiveness easier? I realize that the wounds I carry from the past are
probably the major impediment to my enjoyment of life and my spiritual
unfolding right now. That’s probably why forgiveness is recommended so highly
in every faith tradition I've studied. Somehow I continue to not only carry
those wounds, but also to replay them over and over in my mind. In a book I’m
currently reading, A Spiritual Renegade’s
Guide to the Good Life, the author Lama Marut, a Buddhist monk (motorcycle
enthusiast and surfer), equates this behavior with running with
scissors. We know it’s not a good idea, it hurts, and yet not only do we refuse
to drop the scissors, we stab ourselves with them again and again.
In no way am I intending to minimize or negate the horrible
things that happened in your life and mine. When I work to change my past, I
endeavor to start with the “small stuff.” I run with scissors of every
conceivable size and sharpness, and it makes sense to start working with the
smaller and duller ones. As I practice and my forgiveness muscles get stronger,
I can work more and more with the gnarlier ones. But before I can do any of
that, it’s important that I actually believe it is possible to change the past.
Certainly it isn't possible
to change the events, the circumstances or the hard data from the past. But it
is equally certain that I can change
my perspective on what happened, the meaning I assign to it, and my
understanding of it. When I do these things, in a very real way I am indeed
changing the past, because the past only exists in the form of what I think
about it now. The past isn't really “what happened”, but rather “what I think
happened” in this moment. I tend to think of my memories as solid and etched in
stone, but that’s just what I tend to think!
Hey, history books change the past all the time. Hollywood,
too. When was the last time you saw or read about Native Americans being
ignorant God-less savages, who only served to provide target practice for John
Wayne? Did the events from that era change, or did our perspective and
understanding change? History books even have a name for this—they call it “revisionist
history.” What I’m suggesting is that we wrote our own history book, and have
every right to revise it.
Have you even been absolutely convinced of something, only to
find out you were wrong? This happens to me quite often. I wonder how many times
I was wrong and didn't find out! A perspective is simply a perspective, and it doesn't necessarily reflect reality. Can you and I look at the same thing and
have a different perspective? Can I look at the same thing I looked at
yesterday and have a different perspective? Of course. So, can I look at
something in the past and have a perspective that’s different than the one I've always held? Of course. And when I do, the past is revised.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not the same person I was in
the past. I've grown. I've evolved. I have more tools, more faith in the
Divine, more gratitude, more understanding, more awareness, a greater capacity
for love and compassion. When I look at the past from my current viewpoint, it
looks different. And that’s my major tool for changing the past and
forgiving—looking at it from my current viewpoint. So I’m not talking about
turning my back on the past, rather, I’m working on “turning the other cheek”
to it, meaning I can look at it more and more as the spiritual being I am. I
can look at it more and more from a place of wholeness, of love, of my innate
divinity. When I do that, it changes.
Forgiving isn't forgetting. It isn't condoning or losing and
it isn't a sign of weakness. It has nothing to do with whether or not the
person I’m working to forgive deserves it. I choose to change the past and
forgive for ME, because as soon as I change the past I've improved my present.
As soon as I stop running with any of the scissors I've carried around, I
experience less pain. I am freer to unfold my deepest desires and intentions. I
am freer to suffer less. I am freer to experience joy, and freer to know God.
It’s as simple as that.
Author: Stew Bittman, M.I.T. ISIS Class of 2013
With his wife Hillary, Stew is the Spiritual Leader at Unity at The Lake in South Lake Tahoe, CA. Their blog and full bios can be found here: http://bittmanbliss.com/wordpress/
