Integrating the Shadow

Author: Joan Kistler, ISIS Class of 2013

In our Essence, we are whole, perfect beings. When we incarnate into this world as Spirit in human form, we are unlimited in the authentic expression of our Essence – but not for long. We are soon drafted into the limiting roles of our cultures, religions, and families. To fit in and feel safe, we begin to hide many aspects of ourselves. The parts of our light that we block are called Shadow.

When I was in my early twenties, I was suffering from intense anxiety, depression, and social isolation. At that time, I asked my mother what I was like when I was very young. She told me that I was very funny, easy-going, and friendly. I then realized that I was not by nature so serious, fearful, and reclusive. Since then, my inner work has been to return to my natural state of being by identifying, understanding, and integrating my Shadow.

How did my Shadow come into being? When I was five, my mother began to experience mental health issues. For about six years, my home environment was very unstable and emotionally toxic. As an empathic child, I readily absorbed the feelings of intense fear and despair that defined the emotional climate in my home. During this extremely stressful time, my parents also couldn’t handle my typical childhood wants and needs. As a result, I naturally felt that I was nothing more than a huge nuisance to them. If I didn’t stop being such a bother, what would they do?

To protect myself from rejection and abandonment, I unconsciously split-off and hid the parts of myself that my parents couldn’t tolerate by attacking those parts and driving them into the Shadow. As a result, I created a false self. This false self became a “mask” that I wore around my parents that looked like what they seemed to want: a child who wants and needs only to be who they want and need her to be.

This false self overshadowed many aspects of my authentic self. However, the false self could not completely silence my authentic self, which frequently fought for expression. Anxiety and depression resulted from this constant war raging within me. After playing this role for so long, I became stuck in it. This created problems for me later in life, especially in my relationships with others. Because I was never bringing my authentic self into those relationships, they were phony and doomed from the start.

On a collective level, humanity suffers from a similar problem. Many of us were indoctrinated into that ages-old lie of our religious institutions: that our very nature is sinful and therefore unacceptable to our Source. To protect ourselves from eternal abandonment and rejection (a.k.a. “Hell”), we turn our power over to a false self, the Ego, which promises to protect us from this intolerant, jealous, and wrathful god. We allow the Ego to drive our Light into Shadow. As a result, the Ego overshadows many aspects of the True Self – the whole, perfect Spirit that resides within humanity. The Ego teaches us to cower in fear of this angry god who cannot tolerate us – to see ourselves as subordinate and separate.

Shadow is all the parts of ourselves that we refuse to accept and therefore drive underground. Then it is free to take on a will of its own because we refuse to “see” it – like the wayward child that the parent refuses to take responsibility for (“Oh, no – not my Johnny!”). The guilt trips laid on humanity by its religious institutions have caused much confusion. On the one hand, we must reject our perfect Spirit because God resents competition. On the other hand, we must also reject our humanity as “corrupt” because God demands perfection. So – we have to be perfect, but God resents competition. What a conundrum! It’s the perfect catch-22 to keep our will in shackles. What if we fully accept both our Spirit and our humanity? Then we take responsibility for the whole aspect of our Being in this physical existence, and nothing is driven underground where it can operate without our conscious awareness.

In reality, we are to be the receptacles of the power of Source in this world – as equal and One with Source. Our limited sense perceptions and child-like level of consciousness have caused us many misconceptions about our relationship to Source, Mother Earth, and each other. As a result, we suffer from tremendous fear and all of the subsequent emotions – anger, guilt, fear, shame, and despair. Some of us become sanctimonious and – like sibling rivals – attempt to prove ourselves worthy by condemning others. Some of us are so overcome by shame that we don’t even attempt to draw near to God. We figure that there is no way that we can ever be good enough. In either case, what we don’t realize is that we are not loved because we are good; we are good because we are loved – by our Source eternally.

How can I reintegrate those lost parts of myself? As a part of my energy, I can’t fight my false self without driving it underground. Then it will become Shadow, creating mayhem like a little gremlin in my life. As an adult, it no longer functions in a way that is beneficial to me. It helped me to survive a difficult childhood, but now it is time for me to assign it a new role: one that is more useful to my personal evolution and the evolution of this planet and all its inhabitants. There certainly are times when I need something to restrict my words and actions to avoid hurting myself or others, but not to put a stopper on who I am. The day that I can boldly stand before my mother and father without any pretense is the day that I am fully healed.

I believe that the Ego has also had a role to play in this great drama of Consciousness Evolution. Without the experience of separation, perhaps we would never become autonomous enough in our consciousness to experience ourselves as co-creators – just as children have to leave behind their symbiotic relationship with their mother in order to become independent. Once they separate out, they go through a period of ego-centeredness, which they must also eventually give up in order to co-exist peacefully with others. Otherwise, they can expect much pain and misery in life.

In order to become Universal Humans, we must also move beyond our ego-centered consciousness into Cosmic Consciousness. To integrate the Ego, we must not attack it because it is part of us. If we deny that, then it will retreat into Shadow and operate underground right under our very noses because we refuse to “see” it. We need to observe it carefully (really “see” it), appreciate it as part of our energy, but make our choices from our Heart Center – our True Self. Thus, we accept the wholeness of our Being, reclaim our will, “Shift” it back to where it belongs, and stand boldly before our Source as One.

Next blog by Joan Kistler - the Integration of the Anima/Animus

Peace Through Complete Surrender

Photo credit: Christian Michael, christianmichael.org

Yogis have their own version of The Ten Commandments: the yamas and the niyamas are the “do’s” and “don’ts” of the yogic path.  Yama means “abstinence” and niyama means “observance.”  From the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, as translated and presented by Sri Swami Satchidananda, Sutra 2.30 reads: “Yama consists of non-violence, truthfulness, non-stealing, continence, and non-greed.” Sutra 2.32: “Niyama consists of purity, contentment, accepting but not causing pain, study of spiritual books and worship of God, or self-surrender.”

Right now in my practice I am very focused on Isvara pranidhana, the fifth and final niyama, considered by many to be the ultimate realization of the yogic path.  It is a surrendering of the self and all actions to God; this idea of surrender to God seems very religious, and that is because the Sanskrit word Isvara does actually mean God, or in some translations, “Lord” or “Supreme Being.”  The word points to a recognition of a life force or power that is greater than us in the scope of our individual existence, some greater force that encompasses us and includes our being within a larger whole.  If we are not religious, we may prefer to think of this niyama simply as self-surrender.  Even if our interest in religious faith is merely intellectual, it is interesting to draw the parallel between this niyama and all of the well-known faiths of the world: for example, the very word Islam means “surrender to God,” and in Judaism, the central prayer, called the Shema, contains these words: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength,” words which Christians also revere since Jesus declared them to be the greatest commandment.  So then Yoga, along with these Abrahamic faiths, tells us that surrender is the path to the highest spiritual development.  

Expanding upon Isvara pranidhanam, Sutra 45 in Book Two of the Yoga Sutras reads, “By total surrender to God, Samadhi is attained.”  In the commentary we read that the easiest and quickest way to Samadhi or enlightened consciousness is to dedicate ourselves wholly to God, converting all of the energy we expend, all our thoughts and actions, to God’s service.  The teaching says that when we do this, we will be at peace because we will no longer be worried about the outcomes of our efforts, clinging to our possessions, anxiously hoarding rewards for ourselves.  Perhaps even more importantly for our peace, we'll no longer be resisting what is, or striving to swim upstream, against the flow of that greater whole which surrounds us. "Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the flow of life," writes Eckhart Tolle in Practicing The Power of Now.  We keep moving, but when we surrender we align our movement with God's movement.  In The Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna says, “Do everything in My Name. Then you will get peace and joy.” This is also what Jesus was getting at when he said, “None of you can be my disciple unless he gives up everything he has” (Luke 14:33).  With that renunciation comes perfect peace, bliss, or Samadhi. 

We read that Isvara pranidhanam is an easy path, which also reminds me of what Jesus taught, because he said, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:30).  However, we recognize that the simplest truths so often cause us to trip right over them, falling over ourselves.  It is damned hard for most of us to let go of our efforts, our cherished labors and the fruits thereof.  A powerful recent example of this is what happened with the New York Marathon in the aftermath of Superstorm Sandy.  The marathon was cancelled and tens of thousands of people had to let go of the anticipated cherished outcome of all of that training effort.  But-- in total surrender to God, there are no wasted efforts. God takes in everything that we do. We can adopt the attitude of surrendering every effort to something greater than ourselves, knowing that outcomes are not for us to control or hang onto.  This is in fact spiritual truth which is constantly proven out in our everyday lives; with our senses we discover how everything around us is impermanent: our possessions, our homes, and even our bodies.  It all passes away.  We should not take this to mean that nothing matters or counts; it’s just that we cannot cling to anything.  The marathoners can be at peace knowing that their efforts were not wasted, but the outcome of those efforts ultimately had to be surrendered, just like everything else in this life.  There is comfort in knowing just how meaningful that surrender can be. 

It is the same for us yogis on our yoga mats.  We expend a great deal of effort in our yoga practice, day after day, month after month, year after year.  We work hard to master our asana, to deepen our meditation, to reach greater awareness—and, as we repeatedly discover, we can’t control the outcomes.  Sometimes we fall out of our postures, we get sick, we don’t meditate as long or as often as we would like—but in surrender we find peace.  When we take child’s pose or savasana, we let go of the effort, and it becomes a gift rather than a struggle.  In that moment of surrender, grace pervades us.  In that moment, we begin to see how Isvara pranidhana truly is the easiest way to peace.  

Let’s see if the next time we practice, we can experience a glimmer of that peace and bliss when we simply let go, turning our efforts over to God or the Universe.  Below are two beautiful pieces of music I like to use in my practice, to remind me of Isvara pranidhana. In the beautiful words of Snatam Kaur, “May you never forget God, not even for a moment, worshipping forever, the Lord of the Universe.” 

Author: Michelle Garrison Hough, ISIS Class of 2013

Michelle Garrison Hough is currently completing her yoga teacher training with Living Yoga in Cold Spring, NY, in addition to working through the second year of interfaith ministry training with ISIS.  She worked as a teacher and a lawyer prior to moving to the Hudson Valley with her husband and two sons.

One Minute Blessings

Recently I was speaking with my 88 year old aunt, who resides in a quaint village located just outside of Ithaca, NY.  She mesmerized me that day as she spoke about the one minute vacation she had just taken.  My 90 year old uncle had just frustrated her.  This was not a particularly unusual occurrence as they have spent sixty-five years together.  She went outside to hang up clothes as a brief respite.  However, on her way to the clothesline she encountered a red-winged dragonfly that stopped her in her tracks. 

Aunt Betty then began to share.  “You know, Suzi, as I watched that dragonfly, time stood still.  I thought to myself, ‘Oh beautiful gift, I have never seen anything like you before!’  I watched in amazement as it hovered above our sunflowers, first visiting one; then another and finally resting upon a third.  Before I realized it half an hour had passed and I realized I had been one with that dragonfly.  I was no longer angry with your Uncle Don.  No, instead, I loved everything and everyone.  Have you ever experienced these one minute vacations?”

As I listened to my aunt, tears of gratitude flowed from my eyes.  Once more I knew that I had not come to ISIS, the International Seminary for Interfaith Studies, by chance.  I had been led there by my ancestors and spirit guides. You see, I have the capabilities to share the love expressed by my aunt to multitudes.  I have learned the lesson of loving myself by delving deep within my depths, visiting my inner demons, releasing them, and forgiving myself.  As I have risen anew, I have discovered an inner light within myself that acknowledges multiple one minute vacations, which I call one minute blessings.   

Now as I hit a tee shot across the fairway of a golf course, I also take time to acknowledge the squirrel running across with a nut in its mouth.  Have you ever taken a second to wonder how that squirrel came to be, or the nut for that matter?

Or as I watch a punt go high in the air at a football game, I find myself watching cloud formations that come rolling across the sky at that very second.  How did that cloud come to exist, or our sky with all its massiveness? 

If I go backward in time to when I used to work and remember the intensity of the pressure and stress that I often experienced; I can also recall hearing a bird chirp outside my window.  I would glance up to see the sun filtering between the leaves of the trees.  How did the birds, sun and trees come to be?

And finally when I rest at home within the warm embrace of my  four –legged companions, I feel a joy, peace and serenity that cannot be expressed in words.  At times like this I sit with the words of Lao Tzu,

“She who is centered in the Tao can go where she wishes without danger.  She perceives the universal harmony, even amid great pain, because she has found peace in her heart.”

               

This is the gift Aunt Betty gave me a few weeks ago.  I had never been as aware as I am now.  Just yesterday my one minute blessings included watching a hawk as it lit upon a fence post; watching a Great Blue Heron as it soared above me and landed in a field next to me; watching a small gray squirrel as it tried to camouflage itself as it sat in the crook of a grapevine; and listening to the babbling of the Haw River as it twisted and turned around the rocks that have emerged now that the water is lower with the arrival of fall and less rain. 

And so I awake each morning ever more grateful for being alive in this moment in time … as I start my day with the words,

“Mother, Goddess, Divine within Me, please expand my impact in such a way that I may touch more lives to share your light, joy and peace to the depths of my soul and theirs. And so it is.”

Author: Suze Robinson, ISIS Class of 2013

Suze Robinson is a 2^nd year Seminary Student with ISIS who resides with her two dogs, Logan and Tobi, in Pittsboro, NC.  She is a spiritual counselor, storyweaver and companion to the elderly.

               

The 5 Questions

I used to love Mad Magazine when I was a kid, and I especially liked the “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” department. I thought about that recently when I was waiting for the bus and a woman walked up and asked, “How long has it been since the last bus came?”  I refrained from saying, “About 15 minutes, and I didn’t get on it just so I could stay here and tell you”. Someone once said that the quality of our questions tends to determine the quality of our lives, so I had too much compassion for the woman to lay my sarcasm on her. Besides, I know from listening to my own questions and observing the results that I still often ask lousy ones, too.  Through the years I’ve consciously worked to improve the quality of my questions and this has served my spiritual unfolding well.

Every Passover, Jewish people ask the 4 Questions, but right now there are 5 general types of questions that are alive in me. So here they are, the 5 Questions, in order of value for me as a minister and as a human being (which, by the way, the great majority of ministers are):

“Why?” This is the ultimate; the biggie. “Why am I here?” represents my purpose, my mission, my vision for life. It becomes the GPS system behind my every choice. But I only get to ask it once. Once I clearly know my big “why” and have put it out into the universe, any additional “why” questions are counter-productive. I refer especially to those common “why” questions such as, “Why do these things always happen to me?”, “Why does he/she/they always act/think/talk that way?”, and “Why can’t I follow through on my intentions?” These questions tend to keep me in victim mode and usually stop me from focusing and acting on my big “why” as well as on the other quality questions that are listed below. They cloud my vision and they slow its manifestation. They interfere with the divine process of perfect unfolding that I am. They prevent me from being the change I wish to see in the world. Basically, they stink.

“Where?”  So much depends on where I am in my consciousness. So the most important question I can ask myself in any particular moment is “where am I?” Am I in my heart or in my head? Am I right here in this place and present moment, or am I elsewhere?  Am I going with the flow or trying to swim upstream? Am I in a space of serving God or serving me? Am I present and connected to my experience, or am I running away or hiding my head in the sand? I find that things unfold much better and faster in my life when I’m present, especially when I’m in my heart.  When I’m not where I choose to be, by asking this question I can change my “location.”

“What?”  “What do I choose to do right now that will bring me closer to my “why”?” This question is vital, and equally vital is following through on the answers that come, especially if I’m in my heart when I ask. My brain provides all kinds of answers, mostly limited and based on old ego patterns; my heart gives me the one that is aligned with my divine Self and that brings peace, even when it seems impossible to my little head. So another wonderful and intimately related question is, “What can I do to clear out all this brain fog and tap more into my heart?” And another, perhaps easier one for me to remember is, “What am I grateful for?”, because when I remember to be grateful my heart automatically opens and the universe opens to me. This “what” question helps me to be in the right “where”.

“When?”  This one falls far behind the others. The only valuable “when” question for me is, “When should I do the ‘what’?” The answer to that one, of course, is always, “As close to ‘now’ as possible.” “When is it (love, money, whatever) coming?” is a weak question because the time frame for things to manifest is not my responsibility. It also reinforces the idea that I don’t already have it and therefore my illusions of lack and separateness. “When will I start thinking, speaking and acting in accordance with my highest truth” is a decent question, as long as I allow it to motivate me and don’t use it to beat myself up for having to ask it. 

“How?” is last and least. As one of my teachers says, “When the ‘why’ is big enough the ‘hows’ take care of themselves.” So I don’t have to spend a lot of time asking this. The universe works perfectly, and I let it do its thing. How can my body do 600 octillion things in each second? I don’t know, but it does.  How does an entire universe remain in balance, even with all the absurdly arrogant and interferential contributions from mankind? I don’t know, but it does. How do intention and love inevitably lead to creation and manifestation? I don’t know, but they do. So I needn’t concern myself with how. I’ve noticed that when I focus on my big “why” (and continue to ask the “wheres” and the “whats”), the “hows” come to me in the form of teachers, books, people, circumstances and inner guidance at just the right times.

Well, there you have it, and I realize now that I left out “who.”  Oh well, put it in there somewhere with the top 3, especially if I’m asking “Who am I?” or at least, “Who do I intend being in this moment” and not, “Who’s to blame?”

          

           My wish is for us all to ask the most empowering questions and to find the most joyous and fulfilling answers to them. These questions will help vivify and beautify our own lives as well as the lives of those we serve, and at the same time contribute to the ongoing global awakening.

And if someone asks you how long it’s been since the last bus, be compassionate!

Author: Stew Bittman, ISIS Class of 2013

With his wife Hillary, Stew is the Spiritual Leader at Unity at The Lake in South Lake Tahoe, CA. Their blog and full bios can be found here: http://bittmanbliss.com/wordpress/

What is "The Shift" All About?

What is “The Shift” All About?
By Joan Kistler
ISIS Class of 2013

*

As the end of the Mayan calendar – December 21, 2012 – draws near, more and more people are asking, “What is going to happen?” There are many predictions: increased solar activity, a polar shift, an automatic human DNA upgrade, and the cataclysmic end of the world. Of course, there are also those who say that nothing extraordinary is going to happen: The end of the Mayan calendar is just a superbly opportune date for End Times enthusiasts to launch yet another Doomsday campaign.  

On the other hand, there are those who say that something is going to happen – something that has been slated to occur since the beginning of time: the evolution of human consciousness from Ego-Centered to Cosmic-Centered consciousness. This higher level of consciousness is also known as Christ-Consciousness, Buddha Mind, Higher-Consciousness, and Self-Actualization. Rather than focusing on what is going to happen “out there” in the world, these predictions focus on what is going to happen in our inner world that shall then be reflected in our outer world.

Perhaps these outer world predictions are just the reflections of our predicted inner world transformation: increased “Son” activity, a total change of direction, a total transformation in the human species, and the destruction of the ego-centered systems which for thousands of years have inflicted untold suffering upon humanity. 

We can see it happening now: the crumbling of economic systems based on greed, the destruction of political systems based on the absolute power of a single individual or an elite group, and the collapse of religious, educational, and social institutions based on hypocrisy, deception, and injustice. We are now yearning for a world where love, peace, and prosperity for all living beings can be realized, and a New Age is riding upon the wind of our yearnings. 

If you are here now, experiencing these turbulent times, then your Spirit volunteered to help usher in this New Age. Everyone who is here now has a part to play in this great evolutionary drama, and it is by being here now – by being Present – that we realize our True Selves. We are the observing Presence that is watching everyone play their roles – both the heroes and the villains – without judgment. There are those playing roles designed to show us our True Self, and those playing roles designed to show us our false self. Now, it is time to choose again. 

We have chosen to live out of our false self for thousands of years. As our human consciousness developed, we became increasingly impressed by the perceptions of our five senses and our ability to use our logical minds to evaluate and judge our experiences. In our ignorance, we began to believe that only what is “out there” – what we can perceive with our five senses – is real. As a result, we shut down our “sixth sense,” our conscious connection to our True Self as Life itself, and we became trapped in form identification. In the Bible, this process is symbolized as Adam and Eve listening to the lies of the serpent and eating of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge (Genesis chapter 3).

When we became aware of our physical bodies, we saw ourselves as these tiny, miniscule bodies all alone in this big world. Thus, we lost our sense of oneness with our Mother, the Earth.  She became “the other.” We saw “other” bodies out there too. Thus, we lost our sense of oneness with all Living Beings. But the greatest threat of all was this almighty, omnipotent, omnipresent power – our Source. This was the insurmountable “other” against whom we were powerless. Genesis 3 tells what happened as a result of our fear: Adam and Eve hid from God, and they were cast of Eden. This symbolizes the loss of our experience of Oneness with our Creator and the illusion of separation taking its place.

Ego-centered consciousness was born. This was the “Original Sin” that was really nothing more than a mistake in perception and a fearful reaction. The loss of our natural sense of Power as One with All That Is led to our striving for a false sense of power through competition with the “others.” Our will was usurped by the illusion of separation, and we began to seek power through the dominance, exploitation, and/or destruction of all the “others,” who became our enemies. In reality, there are no “others.”

We are fighting ourselves – Life Itself.

This was the first layer in the veil of separation – the first layer of the onion. As we went through life experiencing ourselves as separate entities, and our sense of “I” became stronger, numerous other layers were added as our human, cultural, family, and personal “issues.” As we perceive with our five very limited senses, we make evaluations and judgments based on a very narrow – and therefore ignorant – view of reality. How can “you” do “this” to “me?” We ask this question and others like it because we are groping around in the darkness of our limited perceptions. Our logical mind tears reality into pieces like “you and me,” “this and that,” and “good and bad.” Because of this, we cannot see the unified fabric of reality – the interdependent web of existence.

How do we return to the awareness of our Oneness with All That Is? How do we shift to Cosmic-Centered Consciousness? Carl Jung was the first psychoanalyst to recognize the existence of both a personal unconscious and the Collective Unconscious in all humans. The Collective Unconscious is the impersonal unconscious force that is both the guide through and the goal of the entire individuation (or self-actualization) process. This impersonal unconscious force is our True Self, and it is this that holds the memory of our Oneness with All That Is. 

Our Ego, or personal self, can never integrate our True Self because of its unconscious, transpersonal nature. However, the ego can learn to surrender to the True Self’s guidance by recognizing its superior wisdom. According to Jung, there are four steps in the individuation process: the integration of the shadow, the integration of the anima or animus, the integration of the Wise Old Man or Great Mother, and finally, surrendering to the True Self. If enough of us complete this process by December 21, then on December 25, we can all celebrate the birth of the Christ-Consciousness into this world, which is the true gift of Christmas. 

Next blog by Joan Kistler: Step One – Integrating the Shadow

*A full-sized poster of the Mayan Calendar image above may be purchased at the following web link: http://www.zazzle.com/mayan_calendar_poster-228361897397970126